How to Use ChatGPT to Write a Eulogy: Mastering the Art of Compassionate AI Writing
November 2025 update
Read this first (gentle reality + boundaries)
A eulogy is a love letter spoken aloud. ChatGPT can help organize memories, shape tone, and polish language, but it should never replace your voice or invent facts. Treat the model like a thoughtful drafting partner—you remain the storyteller, witness, and editor.
Ground rule: No fabrication. If the model suggests a detail you can’t verify, cut it.
The 5-part process (calm and repeatable)
Gather: facts, dates, stories, names, quirks, favorite sayings.
Shape: choose length, tone, and audience (family, friends, coworkers, congregation).
Draft with prompts: give ChatGPT specifics; ask for options not a single “perfect” draft.
Personalize: add the details only you know; remove generic lines.
Read aloud + iterate: adjust pacing, breath, transitions, and sensitive language.
What to collect before you open ChatGPT (a 10-minute worksheet)
Essentials
Full name, nicknames, pronouns
Birth–death dates, key places
Relationships: partner, children, siblings, pets
Work or calling (what they loved about it)
Community: faith, service, hobbies, teams
Stories & textures
3 small scenes that feel like them (a kitchen habit, a driving song, their laugh)
Signature phrases or jokes (write them word-for-word)
One time they helped someone (and how it changed things)
What they taught you (a lesson you live by)
Boundaries
Topics to avoid (private struggles, estranged relatives, cause of death if sensitive)
Tone guide: gentle / uplifting / lightly humorous / faith-forward / secular
Ethical & privacy guardrails (non-negotiable)
Consent matters: Do not include private details that surviving family asked you to keep off the record.
Anonymize vulnerable info: If abuse, addiction, or mental health comes up, keep it respectful and minimal—or omit entirely.
No medical guessing: Never speculate on cause of death or circumstances.
Keep names accurate: Triple-check spellings and titles (Granddad vs. Grandpa).
Local customs: Align with family faith/cultural practices (opening prayer, poem, moment of silence).
Choosing the tone (with examples)
Warm & steady (default): “We remember Elena not for what she owned, but for how she listened.”
Lightly humorous: “If you parked crooked near his driveway, Uncle Joe considered that a teachable moment.”
Faith-forward: “We commend Maria to God’s eternal care and give thanks for the light she shared among us.”
Secular/poetic: “He moved through the world like a quiet harbor—steadying, sheltering, patient.”
Tip: One or two smiles are welcome; roast-style jokes are not. Keep humor kind and brief.
Structures that work (5 minutes vs 10 minutes)
5-minute eulogy (≈600–750 words)
Opening welcome + gratitude
One defining trait + a short story
What they taught us
Thanks and farewell
10-minute eulogy (≈1,100–1,400 words)
Opening and acknowledgment of grief
Early life or “origin” scene
Relationships (partner, family, community)
Two stories (one warm, one gently funny)
Lessons and legacy
Farewell + invitation to remember (prayer, song, moment of silence)
Prompt library (copy/paste)
1) Build a first draft from your notes
You are a compassionate writing assistant. Draft a [5/10]-minute eulogy for [Name] (pronouns [she/he/they]), spoken by [relationship], for an audience of [family/friends/faith community].
Details to include (verbatim when quoted):
- Traits: [patient, curious, generous]
- Stories: [3 bullet scenes in my words]
- Relationships: [spouse/children/friends/pets]
- Boundaries: avoid [cause of death], keep humor gentle
- Tone: [warm and steady]; faith context: [secular/Christian/etc.]
Return 2 versions:
(A) classic structure (welcome, story, lesson, farewell),
(B) lightly poetic structure with short paragraphs.
Keep language simple and speakable.
2) Polishing pass (plain-spoken)
Edit this eulogy for clear, spoken language. Keep sentences ≤20 words when possible. Remove clichés. Preserve the original stories and voice. Mark any lines that may need fact-checking with [CHECK].
3) Inclusive/family-safe pass
Scan the text and suggest gentle alternatives for anything that could hurt or exclude family members (divorce, estrangement, step/half labels, fertility, etc.). Offer 3 replacement lines and explain why they’re kinder.
4) Time fit
This eulogy must be [6–7] minutes at an average speaking pace. Trim or expand respectfully. Maintain tone and keep the two key stories intact.
5) Cultural/faith contextualization
Reframe the closing to fit a [Catholic / Jewish / Muslim / Hindu / Sikh / Buddhist / secular] service. Offer 2 closings: one formal, one simple. Avoid theological claims I'm not authorized to make.
Example micro-drafts (swap in your details)
Short welcome (universal)
“Good morning. Thank you for being here to honor Sam’s life. Your presence is a kindness to our family.”
Gentle humor (kid-safe)
“Sam believed any recipe could be improved with garlic and optimism. Often he was right—sometimes spectacularly right.”
Lesson and legacy
“From him we learned that showing up on time is a kind of love. He arrived early for people, not appointments.”
Farewell
“Sam, thank you for the years and the light. We carry your stories forward—one meal, one song, one small kindness at a time.”
Editing checklist (10 minutes that change everything)
Say it out loud: mark where you need to breathe.
Cut the wallpaper: remove clichés (“gone too soon,” “at the end of the day”) unless they’re their phrases.
Name check: all spellings, titles, pronunciations.
Balance: one warm story, one smile, one clear lesson.
Audience: is every line kind to those present?
Length: aim 120–140 words per minute; practice once.
Special cases (how to handle with care)
Sudden or tragic loss: keep details minimal; center presence, love, and community support.
Complicated relationships: speak to truth without harm—“We didn’t always understand each other, but we always belonged to each other.”
Blended families: name people equally; avoid hierarchy.
Military/service: include unit, years, values (duty, camaraderie), and a moment of silence if appropriate.
Pet eulogy: lean on sensory memories (paws on the floor, favorite toy, rituals at the door).
Cultural & faith notes (quick reference)
Christian: scripture or hymn line, blessing, “into God’s care.”
Jewish: emphasize memory (zichronam livracha—“may their memory be a blessing”), avoid afterlife speculation unless requested.
Muslim: begin with Bismillah if appropriate, stress mercy and patience (sabr), avoid theological detail unless clergy guides you.
Hindu: speak of dharma, kindness, and the soul’s journey with humility.
Buddhist: impermanence, compassion, mindful remembering.
Secular: gratitude, legacy, actions we’ll continue in their name.
Always ask the family or officiant to confirm the right framing.
Accessibility & delivery
Print with 14–16 pt font, 1.3–1.5 line spacing.
Bold names and section cues (PAUSE), (LOOK UP), (BREATHE).
Place tissues and water within reach; it’s okay to stop and breathe.
If emotions surge: say, “Give me a moment,” pause, then continue.
Common pitfalls (and quick fixes)
Too many facts, not enough feeling → Keep one timeline line; add one vivid scene.
Generic phrasing → Replace “She loved music” with “She hummed Sinatra while folding towels.”
Over-humor → 1–2 smiles max; never at someone’s expense.
Name omissions → If you list siblings, list them all.
Rushing → Print in large type, add (PAUSE) marks.
Mini-templates you can customize
A) 5-minute classic
Welcome + thanks
Who they were in one sentence
Story #1 (90–120 seconds)
What they’d want us to carry forward
Farewell + moment of silence
B) 10-minute braided stories
Welcome + context of gathering
Early memory + signature trait
Love in action (service, parenting, friendship)
Story #2 with gentle humor
Lessons + gratitude
Farewell with invitation (song, prayer, shared meal)
C) One-paragraph graveside
“Today we lay [Name] to rest with love and gratitude. We remember [her/his/their] [kindness/curiosity/courage], the way [he/she/they] [specific scene]. We will carry [his/her/their] example in how we treat one another. May the stories we share today be a comfort and a guide.”
Using ChatGPT well (practical tactics)
Give ingredients, not a vibe: paste bullet stories, exact quotes, and names.
Ask for two versions: a classic and a poetic draft—combine the best parts.
Force simplicity: “Use everyday language. No metaphors unless I supplied them.”
Red-flag check: “Highlight any line that could be inaccurate or sensitive.”
Final pass: “Make this sound like me. Keep my phrasing and rhythm.”
Sample input → output (tiny demo)
Input bullets:
Nana Ruth, “tea solves most things,” knitted hats for NICU babies
Married to Eli 58 years; laughed in the kitchen every Sunday
Taught us to write thank-you notes same day
Boundary: no medical details; secular tone, gentle humor
Model-shaped lines you might keep:
“Ruth believed tea and time could fix nearly anything.”
“Her love sounded like spoons against a Sunday pot.”
“She measured a life not in years, but in handwritten notes.”
(Then you’d add your specific stories and correct any phrasing that isn’t you.)
Aftercare: sharing and archiving
Offer to email or print the eulogy for those who couldn’t attend.
Save a copy for the family memory box (include photos or recipe card).
If a charity or cause mattered to them, mention it only if the family asked.
Closing words (for you, the speaker)
You don’t need perfect sentences; you need true ones. Let ChatGPT help with shape and polish, but let your memories carry the meaning. Breathe. Speak slowly. Love will do the rest.
One-page fill-in (tear-off)
Name / Pronouns:
One-line essence: “[Name] was…”
Three scenes (who, where, what, why it matters):
Signature phrases/quirks (verbatim):
They taught me…
People to name:
Boundaries (omit/soften):
Tone: gentle / uplifting / lightly humorous / faith-forward / secular
Length: 5 / 10 minutes
Closing preference: moment of silence / short blessing / invite to share stories
Hand this to ChatGPT with the prompts above, and you’ll get a draft that feels like you—only calmer, clearer, and kinder.
